Thoughts

Sometimes, my mind, it is consumed with thoughts of you. And I wonder.....
Do you ever (ever) think of me?
This consumption is a problem with me. I do not understand it nor do I like it.
Why do I spend so much time thinking of you?
My thoughts are not always carnal in nature, which is what I would expect them to be, but rather blithe and captivating.
Never stoic or dark.
Perhaps I could accept my minds consumption of thoughts of you if they were all erotic or wanton. But they seem to bounce around and never settle.
They always wander.
They are of you and your life. Are you well? Are you happy? Please be smiling.
They are of the orgasmic butterflies I feel when I recall your hands.
I am concerned for you. I am happy for you. I am wanting of you. I am craving your voice.
And yet I know that if you were standing close by I would do every thing I could to control my yearnings to speak to you. To listen to your voice. To touch you.
So often I have dialed your number and not completed the call. Sometimes I think to hear your voice would be enough. But then when I do hear your voice, I know that it is not enough. As it always leaves me wanting more and never knowing what to say I lock my mouth and listen as you speak to others and I secretly take the words and cover myself in them.
Perhaps I am idiotic in my thoughts and feelings. But they are mine and they are me. And this I live with.